We have explored some of the more analytical and complex aspects of conflict, namely positions and interests. We will now deepen into the core elements that inform content, which are more basic, but no less profound. In fact, identifying and acknowledging feelings and needs can be a powerful way to transform conflict. We will start with discussing emotions and feelings.

If we recall, the presenting issue and even position may not address the underlying conflict at all and the interests informing a position can be quite complex. What can be more simple, but no less mysterious, are the emotions and feelings at their core.

First, a small distinction between emotions and feelings. We will use both terms in this unit, but their meanings are slightly different in conflict studies and psychology.

*Emotions are the sometimes unconscious reactions to the situation at hand, whereas feelings are more conscious.

*Feelings arise as a result of thoughts, often as a reaction to the stories we carry within us about our lives and our place within them. These stories inform how we interpret and respond to the presenting issue.

Let’s apply these concepts to our example:

*Emotion: Person A feels anger in the pit of their stomach.

*Feeling: Person A is angry because they perceive this situation to be just like all the other times they have been dismissed and labeled unintelligent.

Acknowledging the difference between feelings and emotions can sometimes help us disentangle our visceral responses in any given moment to our past, which can help us more constructively address conflicts. At the same, feelings can help us understand why this situation is important to us on a more profound level than the presenting issue might otherwise indicate.

Many of us have difficulty identifying and naming our emotions, which can make it difficult for us to communicate about them — or even differentiate ourselves overall from them at any given time. Being able to name emotions and tie them to our feelings about the situation at hand are important skills.

Additionally, we often have a limited vocabulary around feelings, which can make it difficult to communicate about them with precision. In the above example, Person A felt angry, which is quite general. It might be more precise to say they felt annoyed, aggravated, exasperated, frustrated, irate, outraged, resentful, or upset. Notice how these different words imply different degrees of anger and may even provide specifics about the person’s relationship with others in this situation.

These examples come from the “Feelings List” by the Hoffman Institute (2015), which we recommend reviewing. Developing a more complex vocabulary for feelings can help us better understand ourselves and communicate how we are feeling to others.

Emotions, on the other hand, are often more instinctual and may even be unconscious. When in states of conflict, emotions can sometimes activate as a result of a perception of a threat, whether real or imagining. We will explore this perception of threat in more depth when we discuss basic human needs in the next section. 

References

Hoffman Institute. 2015. “Feelings List.” Hoffman Institute.